Rekindling Kindness

“Democracy demands a certain level of decency, respect and kindness. Family by family, neighborhood by neighborhood, and state by state, we have to rekindle and revive those basic standards of behavior. Without those, there is no way to secure a democracy.” — Jennifer Rubin

“If there is any kindness I can show or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.”

— William Penn

November 13 is World Kindness Day. How about that? Coming just a week after the United States elected a profoundly unkind man — a convicted felon, rapist, insurrectionist, serial liar, mendacious narcissist, and scofflaw — to the presidency, well, the whole idea of World Kindness Day takes my breath away. In fact, I can think of no better reminder of where I need to set my sights at this moment.

Also, may I just ask: Couldn’t we have more than just one day of world kindness? I’d be much happier with World Kindness Era. Because kindness is not just one good thing. It’s one of the best things. “Kindness” is one of the most compelling words I know. And I am not alone. I stand on the shoulders of some pretty strong advocates of kindness.

Kindness, benevolence, is one of the Three Great Treasures of Taoism (the other two being frugality and humility).

The Prophet Mohammed advocated kindness to children, the poor, and animals.

When Jesus reminded his followers to “love your neighbor as yourself,” he was repeating words from the Torah, from the heart of Judaism, and he was exhorting his followers to behave kindly, with compassion and love.

Buddha's Lovingkindness Meditation offers a means of healing the soul and increasing compassion. Directing loving attention first inwardly to the self, the Lovingkindness Meditation moves in larger and larger circles outwards to encompass the entire world:

May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be free from harm. May I be peaceful and at ease.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from harm. May you be peaceful and at ease.

May the whole world be happy. May the whole world be healthy. May the whole world be free from harm. May the whole world be peaceful and at ease.

Extra points if, while reciting the second verse (“May you be happy…”), you visualize someone you find particularly difficult or troubling, someone whose relationship with you is broken, or someone you revile, and you direct lovingkindness toward them.

I know. It’s a pretty big stretch. Too big of a stretch for me some days, if I am honest. But when I can manage that stretch, when I can engage in the Lovingkindness Meditation in quiet, focused, and open ways, it makes a difference to me, internally. My heart and soul feel more expansive and that calms me and gives me the resolve to move forward. And, seeing as I am part of the world, when I effect an inner change, I also change the world, at least a tiny bit.

When I speak of kindness, I don’t mean simply adopting good manners, although civility helps. I mean something deeper. I mean cultivating a generosity of spirit — both inwardly to my own soul, which hurts deeply at times, and outwardly to the world that is in such great need of healing. The generosity of spirit I speak of recognizes hurt and pain, acknowledges anger and divisiveness, sees sticky personalities and fraught circumstances and, in the end, still insists on turning toward benevolence.

When I speak of kindness, I also don’t mean refraining from speaking up about wrongs. I don’t mean backing down when opinions need to be expressed or falsehoods need to be exposed. More than ever now, our world needs us to advocate for justice, to promote peace, to center love, and to protest anything that stands in the way of achieving those things. One can speak one’s truth without insulting or demeaning another person, however. In the end, cruelty and inhumanity do not serve advocacy. For me, that’s important to remember as I put my muscle into resisting hatred and oppression.

Lovingkindness teacher Sharon Salzberg says kindness is “compassion in action.” Putting compassion into action is no simple thing. We live in a world filled with suffering, sorrow, hatred, and callous indifference. Practicing kindness is a challenge in such a world — especially when sometimes the suffering is ours, sometimes we hurt, sometimes we feel anger and even hatred either as it wells up within us or is directed at us, and sometimes indifference walks the corridors of our daily lives. Consider, however, how poet Naomi Shahib Nye portrays the roots of kindness:

“Kindness,” by Naomi Shahib Nye

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to gaze at bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

From Words Under the Words: Selected Poems. Copyright © 1995 by Naomi Shihab Nye.

Friends, that poem seems to speak to the feelings I have heard so many express over the past week or so. So many people are sad, angry, and fearful about the future of America and even of the world. So many express deep and profound loss of the world as they hoped it could be. So many feel they, we, are just at the beginning of losing so much more, too, as an unkind order takes hold. I know. I understand. I share those feelings. But, I cannot abandon practicing kindness whenever I can — especially in light of what we now face. I can even harness my suffering, knowing that, when it is one of the deepest things inside me, kindness is the other. And the world needs kindness more than ever right now.

Sometimes the shadows in our world can seem heavy and impenetrable. At such times I find it helpful to remember I have choices about how I direct my heart and where I aim my attention. No matter how bad things get, no matter how much I mess up, no matter how quickly I sometimes forget my good intentions, returning to practicing kindness brings me healing, restores my focus and purpose, and helps me to bring what good I can back into the world. That’s where my power is at the moment. Best to recognize it, harness, and use it to help create a world of justice and peace.

And kindness.

And love.

Love,

Sylvia